What Kind of Sicko Ruins My Childhood Like That?

For those of you that googled this recipe, WTF? WHO GOOGLES “SPOOGE” RECIPES?

I just googled “spooge”. Fuck. I need to rename this recipe. Thanks for ruining my childhood, internet.

Spooge aka Leftovers Casserole (Fuuuuuuuu....)

Shit you need -

• Casserole dish that will fit all this shit. 9X13 is a good way to go.
• Box of rotini or elbow macaroni, IDGAF, whatever floats your boat
• Can of tomato soup 
• Can of cream of cheese/cheddar soup
• Can of loose corn (drain that shit)
• Whatever leftover meat you have taking up precious fridge and tupperware space – taco meat, meatloaf, some old roast or bidbits from your last crockpot recipe – make sure you dice or shred it into small pieces
• Cheese. I’m a cheddar fan, but it’s whatevs
• You can totally add other vegetables to this, but when the hell have I ever endorsed making or eating healthy food!? Only delicious here.

So here’s how it’s done -

1. Cook your fuckin noodles. Set aside. I usually leave that shit sitting in a strainer (colander for you folks with sticks in your ass) until I’m ready to use it.
2. Put both soups into a sauce pan. If they’re condensed, I recommend using milk for your additional liquid and/or some kind of broth/stock you might have laying around. This is a leftovers recipe, so don’t be a pussy, just throw shit in there!
3. Heat that shit up to a mild boil. Not roiling. It will burn. You will be mad.
4. Toss in your corn, veggies, and whatever meat that you had.
5. Cook that shit. Raise it back to a boil, then drop it to a simmer for about five-ten minutes so the soups get all up in your meat’s business.
6. Put all that tastiness you just made into a casserole dish with those noodles you put on hold. Fold it all together into a big delicious snuggle party.
7. Top that bitch with cheese.
8. Depending on how soon you want to murder this meal, you can set the oven accordingly. I’m usually in a rush to get my noms on, so I set the oven on 400 or broil and pop that bitch in for 5 minutes to get some gooey, crusty goodness going on. If you want to be patient (HAH!) you can put the oven as low as 125 and leave it there for a good two hours to just marinate itself.

This recipe is also crockpot friendly. If you don’t want to pre-cook the noodles, just throw all your shit in the crock together, minus the cheese, and add about two cups extra liquid. Set it on low and go to work, when you get home, sprinkle some cheese on top and let that chill for 10 minutes. You’re good to go!

Remember, this is leftovers, and you are creative as fuck. Grow a pair, and just dive in for some tastiness. I have done some fucked up things with this recipe, and it has always come out delicious! Bread crumbs? Yup. Leftover chicken soup? Tossed it in there. Not enough frozen veggies to make a meal, but too much to toss? Any amount is too much to toss, you wasteful fucks. Put that shit in there!

 

Yum!

I started this post with the recipe because it fucking pisses me off to no end when I google a recipe, pull up a blog, and have to wade through pages of story-time blah blah blah sentimental bullshit before I get to the goods. 

WOMAN! 

I don’t care if this is your great grandma’s recipe she handed down on her deathbed, I just want to know how to make some damn gingersnap cookies! GET TO IT!

Pretty much this.

For the rest of you nice people who are still here reading, now it’s my story-time!

For starters, I had no idea that some sickos on the internet had Urbandictionaried my childhood memories into some perverted farce. I promise you my mother was not feeding us, nor mocking us and cooking with sperm. This term was not defined as such until much, much later!

I’m pretty sure this recipe came about because of my brother’s notorious picky eating habits. He loved, loved, loved Chef Boyardee. Correction - loves. His wife just threw a proverbial shoe at me cross-country. Anyway - you can imagine when it came to leftovers mom had to get creative. Thus she created what I have permanently renamed Leftovers Casserole.

 (Seriously, fuck you guys.)

Not even Ian Somerhalder can heal this pain...

Usually whatever she made involved ground beef because it was cheap and versatile.

Taco meat? In there.

Leftover hamburger patties? Do it!

Some kind of slowcooker roast we hated?

TOO BAD, YA EATIN IT NOW!

I’m sure she’s lied to us over the years, and managed to trick us into eating a lot of things we would have freaked out about by disguising it with tomato-cheesy goodness. Sometimes my mom was a brilliant, evil genius.

Sure she looks nice enough...