I've got so much to write and no idea where to begin.
Everything feels overwhelming lately,
with tasks as mundane as getting out bed becoming
an incredible exertion of effort.
My mental health seems to be well managed,
but my body is rebelling against all my ambitions.
I was crying to Grace the other day about it,
not literally, calm down with the sympathy tissues,
about how I can't be the overscheduled workaholic
like I used to be, with a full 16 hour day of to-do's.
We had gone to a grocery store to pick up a few things,
and by a few things I mean literally a few,
not some epic coupon trip for stocking up;
just get in, grab some items, and go.
By the time we had reached checkout,
I felt about as winded as those Olympians looked
during the biathlon trials.
It was ridiculously frustrating.
We had two or three other stops planned,
which in my mind then seemed like
asking me to scale Mount Whitney.
I keep fantasizing about work,
missing out on potential income
and making a positive effect.
And then I have days like this,
in which I have to accept I really am
disabled, at least for the time being,
I hate it.
I've been trying to teach Grace some
tricks in cooking, as well as budgeting,
and after five days of teamwork,
it's taken me equally as much time to recover.
Wah, wah, wah, I know,
but I like to go and go and go,
but I'm stuck going slow.
And rhyming apparently.
Hopefully I'll feel stronger tomorrow,
and be able to muster up something
funny or at least entertaining.
I've been thinking about this kind of thing a lot lately. I'm fine physically. Most of the time. (This pre-menopause thing is kicking my ass.) Mentally, though, I've had too much stress lately to function well. (That's money stuff, and taking in the extra kid.) My point - and I do have one is I was driving myself crazy because I WANTED to write / work on fiction but I just couldn't. (As much as I hate the term writer's block, I've got it.) SO I decided to get healthier. (Because I don't have to be creative to eat more fruit or exercise, you know?)
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if there's some quest you can put yourself on that will alleviate your restlessness and energy. Something not physical for you. 'Ever wanted to, I don't know, read everything Jane Austin wrote? Take an online class about archaeology? (I know of a free one.) Learn Latin? Something with clear-cut, check-off-able steps or stages. Something you've always wanted to do but would never have the time in your normal life.
Anyway, I love the sad cat pics.
First of all, thanks. For not only being my blogging buddy, but understanding where I'm coming from. I don't envy you the pre-menopause AT ALL.
DeleteI hear you on the money stuff, especially taking on another responsibility like that.
I like your approach to "the block," by taking control of what you could positively effect, while trying to grow into letting go of the worry.
A few people have advised me to "act retired" and do things I wouldn't if I was fully employed, and with you making it three, it seems this is a sign. I love that you call it a quest, it makes me feel empowered!
I've wanted to get back to piano, and most of that is technical at first, so it looks like that will be happening. I definitely have time to read, and I love your idea of a full collection challenge!!
I stumbled upon a couple of those sad cats, which springboarded this guilt-induced post. They made me happy in a sort of ironic way. Happy to see someone enjoyed it too. :)