Pie-tastic Things Are Happening

There’s something we need to explore together in our relationship, my readers. It’s called pie.

As you nice people already know, Pecan Pie and I have special relations. What you don’t know about are my other lovers.

You see, in a smackdown of desserts - ice cream, cake, brownies, pudding… you get the idea - pie always wins!

 

Now in the fall, Thanksgiving time, there is a short list of treats that I anticipate with the fervor of an 8 year old on the way to Disneyland for the first time, because they sit together on one plate to be eaten in what I call my holiday pie orgy.

And guess what?

I’m going to give you nice people my recipes to build this orgy. Your taste buds are going to thank me come this Thanksgiving, or your next free weekend.

YAY YOU! YAY ME! YAY PIE!!!

Pecan Pie

The Shit List

• Pillsbury Pie Crust
• 2 tbsp. all-purpose flour
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 3 large eggs
• 1 cup Karo dark syrup
• 2 tbsp. butter, melted and cooled
• 2 tsp. vanilla extract
• pinch of salt
• 2 cups pecan halves

How to Handle That Shit

1. Preheat the oven to 425°F
2. Roll out the pie crust and line a 9-inch pie plate
3. Crimp the edge with a fork, your fingers, the cat, whatever
4. Chill in the refrigerator while making the filling
5. Combine the flour and sugar in a large bowl
6. Whisk in the eggs, corn syrup, butter, vanilla, and salt
7. Mix in ALL the pecans.
8. Remove the crust from the refrigerator and pour in the filling
9. Bake for 20 minutes
10. To keep a tender lip on the crust, cover with foil. Skip it if you like crunchy crispyness.
11. Bake another 35 or until set, basically, shit should not jiggle when you wiggle it
12. You should try to let it cool all the way, sugar burns suck
13. Eat the shit out of it with whipped cream, vanilla ice cream, or of course in a pie orgy.

Pumpkin Pie

The Shit List

•    Pillsbury pie crust
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1  teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
• 2 large eggs
• 1 can (15 oz.) Pumpkin
• 1 can (12 fl. oz.) Evaporated Milk

How to Handle That Shit

1. Load your pie crust into your choice of pie plate, set aside to brace for impact
2. Mix sugar, cinnamon, salt, allspice, and nutmeg in a bowl to set aside and be lonely.
3. Beat eggs into a large bowl (Take that! And that!)
4. Add in the sugar-spice mixture, and dat pumpkin.
5. Gradually stir in evaporated milk, nice and easy.
6. Put all that goodness into the pie shell.
7. Bake in preheated 375° F oven for 60 minutes or until knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

Martha Stewart’s No Bake Cheesecake

I love that lady, she’s so damn crafty.

I’m not going to Anna-fy her written recipe, since it’s so clear and concise.

http://www.marthastewart.com/858246/no-bake-cheesecake

My personal tips with this recipe:

•  You do not HAVE to do lemon. Some kind of citrus is important though. I’ve done orange before, which often blends better with other flavors if you’re making this for a pie orgy.
• The crust is insanely flexible and customizable. I’ve seen it made with shortbread cookies, like Chessman, and I’ve made it out of pulverized Chips Ahoy as well. You can short-cut with a pre-made crust, like Keebler’s Graham or Oreo’s cookie crust, especially if you don’t have a springform pan handy.
• Martha instructs to use a mixer, which I agree makes the whole process WAY easier, but if you are in a starter home like me and have no KitchenAid, just plan ahead and let the cheese get to room temp before you give yourself carpal tunnel trying to mix it.

Now last year, my grandmother challenged me to the Cherpumple, and I knocked everyone’s socks off with my portion-friendly rendition. This year, I’m thinking of taking that concept to a layered monster involving these three pies. I haven’t worked out all the kinks yet, but come the end of November, we’ll see how this new threesome turns out.

Any ideas for names?