Something I should be better known for is how terribly I handle failure. I am really bad at it.
Really. Bad. Really.
We're talking hysterical reactions to things that really should not be that major, like my job at a fast food restaurant that rhymes with Amanda Getdressed.
The company functions in a way that puts way too much pressure on their employees to perform above and beyond in what should be a minimum-wage, no-brainer, come to work, go-home, and ignore your job position. In my opinion, these extra pressures actually made us worse at our jobs. However, I, being an overachiever and needing to be my best all the time at everything, still managed to take it all way too seriously.
It has taken me until very recently with some self-reflection to realize why it was when my boss would sit me down to reprimand me for not up-selling in the exact verbatim we were trained, I would burst into uncontrollable tears.
I cannot, for the life of me, handle failure. I'm not sure why, or where it comes from. I imagine it stems from a childhood of constant excellence. I never really struggled with school, and therefore never had to face losing or failure. I was the best, always.
The only situations I'd face in my school days that could be seen as failures were situations of rejection. Even so, I'd just drop whatever it was and act like it really didn't matter, like not getting the part I wanted in a play - only to regret missing out later. I never really faced or coped with the failure aspect of it.
Since realizing this about myself, I've started trying to bombard my life with positivity, especially in the face of this whole disabled fiasco, just dripping with fail. No work, no DIYing the shit out of the house, no fun, ever.
Of course I often break those rules and pay for it shortly after in level 10 pain, paralysis, and regret, which puts an emphasis on the failure in my lap. And with that last admission of fail, I'll leave you all on a more motivated note.
How do you overcome your failures?
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