StandBy

This Fuckin House is in a minor state of emergency right now.

You nice people need not worry, the roof is over our heads and going strong. Husband and I are simply in demand right now, which means radio silence for this here blog.

Hopefully I'll be back in another week or two, so hold on!

The Blur

Why is this here?

The stretch between our arrival and the actual funeral was a lengthy blur. I'm the kind of person who, under stress, will just steamroll through everything if there is something to be done, which includes not sleeping if need be. This combo is probably why everything mushes together, since it basically doesn't have a start and stop point.

On top of funeral preparations, a chunk of which was already booked by an aunt (whom I haven't thanked enough),  the Nana's dogs needed extra attention. All three of those silky little darlings were perceptive enough to know something was up, and started acting out when they picked up on the Nana's absence.
One pup spent most of her time under the couch, as the end seat was the Nana's spot. She and I both got pretty defensive about anyone sitting there for a few weeks. I know it's irrational, but I didn't really have a transition from the last visit to this, so a large part of my mind was still bent on the idea that any minute the Nana was coming out from the back and would need her spot to sit.

The only boy dog clung to Husband as he always does since they're boy buddies. He seemed to be the least affected by the change, since his little puppy world seems to center on living life like the gate's left open.

The oldest pup, whom I have nicknamed Grumbles, bounced between hating my guts for being the harbinger of death and deciding we needed to snuggle because I am also the keeper of the snuggles. Maybe I'm both, who knows. It was keeping everyone entertained though, watching her little attitude switch arbitrarily.

In and among the semi-controlled chaos, I was being put more and more in charge of things. I was making floral selections, finding religious items, and meeting with everyone else involved to handle whatever else needed to be done. On the one hand, this was great because I love being busy - okay and bossy - but on the other hand it meant I was dealing with a lot of people in a business setting. In the face of having many a meeting, it occurred to me that I had only packed comfort wear for my solo tour (read: lounge wear), minus the lucky handful of sweaters I had bought with my sister up north. I managed to make my limited wardrobe work for me, as well as the washing machine, but I would still need something semi-formal for the funeral that was in only a couple more days.

Husband had left his suit in Louisiana after the last funeral, so that lucky bastard was all set. A small panic set in as the reality of the situation hit me. I am a strange shaped lady, and typically need to special order, shop around a lot, and/or get my dresses tailored, all of which takes entirely too much time. With as much as I had on my plate, and accepting there just wasn't time, I decided I should just buck up and hit their mall for something, anything black that would suit the formality of the situation, even if it wasn't super flattering. And then a miracle happened.

 This may go down as an urban legend some day, but I swear to you on my favorite kitten heels what I am about to tell you is exactly what happened. I went into JCPenney's that weekend, and bee-lined for the formal wear, with pretty much no hope of finding anything, but figuring it was a starting point. I kid not, literally the first dress I grabbed was not only my size, but as you can see above, fit perfectly. This on its own was miraculous, but then I get to checkout to find there's a purchase coupon for like $10 dollars off $50. This dress I grabbed was tagged for $120, and I was willing to beat my inner cheapskate into submission since it was so perfect and now I had a coupon, but this fucking dress rang up as $40!! I teared up a little, and the cashier thought it was frustration, which in retrospect was pretty freakin adorable. She offered to hold onto the dress if I wanted to shop around a bit to bring my total up and basically get free stuff with that discount, so of course I did. I had set aside two hours to hurry up and find something, and had gotten this dress in fifteen minutes, so I had time now. I ended up finding some BOGO items for Husband, and left the store practically skipping with joy.

All in all, the blur was a good day.

Days and Days

Everything gets pretty emotional and mushed together at this point, as Husband and I were torn in many directions by many people, as is often the case when death comes calling.

We were pretty lucky to have some extended family step up to handle things as well, since simple things like flowers had become overwhelming.

As I said before, this was all new to me, as I had never felt a loss of this nature. The world went numb, and having things to do was a blessing, if nothing else as a distraction.

I'm not sure how interested any of you nice people would be in the mini adventures Husband and I had leading up to and during the funeral/wake. It looks like I have some pictures, including food, so it can't have been all bad! Those parts, the less tragic parts, I'd be happy to write on if y'all would like to read them. Otherwise, this ends the epic that was my journey across the states.

Day Ten: Out of the Frying Pan

Why is this here?

I hit the road immediately after I got the call, thinking that I'm invincible or something and would somehow be fine driving the 1500 miles from Pennsylvania to Louisiana after the lengthy day I just had with my sister.

 I am a very, very, very lucky person. I managed to drive efficiently enough that not only did I not die in a fiery crash, but I had an hour to spare for a power nap and the best tasting Cracker Barrel I may ever have in my life.

Despite not having slept since the morning before, I safely arrived at the New Orleans Airport in time to pick up Husband when he landed that evening.

We only had a few moments to revel in my epic feat before we jumped into the fire. Husband and I checked in with his aunt, and went straight into funeral mode.

Day Nine: Many Things

Why is this here?

The day started off pretty awesome when my sister introduced me to one of the most awesome convenience stores I've ever experienced. This chain has everything. It's like 7/11, McDonald's, and Dunkin Donuts mixed together, but if everything those places served was delicious as fuck. For my east coast readers, you may already know what I'm talking about - mo'fuggin Sheetz.

Sister got us some breakfast sandwiches and coffees while I made a spectacle of myself as I took in the splendor of their coffee bars and fresh baked goods. Seriously, this alone has made me legitimately consider moving east.

We took off for the local river to have a nice view while we ate. As soon as we arrived, we got to send off a crew of kayakers, who were so efficiently organized they were gone before I could snap a photo. Sister picked a good spot to sit, with a spread of carved stumps before us.

Of course we had to mosey up and down the bank after eating, so we could get up close and personal with the artistically preserved trees and make more locals look at me sideways.

I forget where exactly this river is, or why it's there. I know my sister had explained it, but all that has stuck with me was how pretty it all was, and how cool it felt here compared to the very Louisiana-like humidity of the rest of the town.

We had moseyed long enough to have hit the lunch hour, and sister had a basement diner in mind to share, where we both had epic burger action and I got to try deep-fried macaroni. Also, Guinness cake.

Angelic Choir

We didn't stop there, as sister and I went full cliche domestic and visited an antiques store. I was so giddy, seeing classic-coke tin signs and hand crafted wood furniture from wall to wall. Another glory of the east coast that we lack in California is all the lengthy history. If I had all the dollars, I would have spent them there on all the things.

And theeeeeeeen...
We hit up a small shop that functioned like a Ross or Marshall's, with some ridiculously low prices. Shopping was had, including some cute sweaters for my planned drive home across the northern states.

This sister, she has come to know me well.
Across the street from all this was the Clearfield Park, where we rested before the boyfriend finished at work, molesting the local mallards and such.

These ducks were bold little boogers, coming at us like they knew us, quacking disapproval with their beady little glaring eyes when they figured out we had nothing for them but cameras.

The only time they fled is when an enthusiastic labrador came with his people, petitioning them to live out his biological purpose.

He was a very cool dog, who we got to hang out with for a bit before we had to leave and torture - ahem, meet with - the boyfriend.

At this point, I'm pretty sure my sister was just trying to kill me with exhaustion or something, because these kids dragged me to the local mall. It was a fun, quick trip luckily, as they had just wanted to share their favorite home decor stop and pet store, which is where I made a new discovery.

Those adorable little emotional terrorists are silky-poos. They are a mixture of silky terriers (like the Nana owns) and miniature poodles that know exactly how cute they are. Were it not for fear of Husband's rebuke, I would have adopted two new puppies that day.

By the time we zipped in and out of the mall, dinner was due, and the boyfriend wanted another shot at gaining my approval through food. We hit a steakhouse, where steak and potatoes were had and enjoyed. That wasn't enough to him though, as the boyfriend insisted we make one more stop at their town's ice cream parlor for maximum brownie points.

It was at this point that things came to a screeching halt, unfortunately. As we stood in line I got the call that the Nana had passed, and I was needed in Louisiana ASAP. My sister and the boyfriend did their best to be comforting, as the boyfriend came outside with perfect timing and peanut butter ice cream. Me being me, and not wanting to cry in front of strangers, sucked it up pretty quickly and made a game plan with my sister for a route down south.

And this is how my lengthy journey ended, with an impromptu twenty hour shot down to Lousiana, where a whole new journey would begin.

Day Eight: The Accidental Hike

Why is this here?

I woke up in Virginia, grateful to have survived the horrors of the drive before, and hoping not the ever have to experience that again ever.
Ever.

Luckily, it seemed that I had gone north enough to escape the incredibly inconsiderate southern weather. I drove through Richmond, enjoying the much less humid, sunny skies, and eventually came across a sign for Lake Anna State Park.Of course, I had to go see this lake, so off the interstate I went. Unfortunately, I forgot to make a left at Albuquerque or something because I never found it, and ended up on a sort of scenic detour.

Anyone who has been to Virginia will agree that their foliage is quite beautiful, and the side roads I was on were peppered with cute little cottages and farm homes. Eventually, as I made my way back to the interstate, I became distracted by these:

It turns out I was driving through Spotsylvania, and had stumbled onto a historical site for the Wilderness Campaign and Widow Tapp Farm of the Civil War.

For Husband's sake, and my own curiosity, I made a stop to see what this place was about. From the sign explaining the Wilderness Campaign, I could see something in the distance just a few meters away.

I figured I'd be sitting for the rest of the day, and worst case scenario I could make an ice pack from my travel supplies, so I worked my way over to see what was what, making sure not to disturb any critters or step in any potholes.

Cannons, yo

After a rest and a selfie with the preserved/restored cannons, I could swear I saw more just a few meters away and... I found myself almost a mile away from the car. Sometimes I am dumb. It was a blessing and a curse, as I got to see some old battle trenches and almost fall in.

I slowly made my way back to the road, which was closer than my car, and got a short lift on the back of a pickup truck from a fisherman and his Labrador. People are super nice and not the slightest homicidal in Spotsylvania, and I am grateful for that.

Off I went from there, until I reached my destination.

I made it into Clearfield with perfect timing, as my sister and her boyfriend were just getting off work. Food and laughs were had, as her boyfriend plied me with comfort food in order to curry my favor.

Apparently you can take a girl from the semi-rural environment, but you can't take the rural out of the girl. She managed to convince her boyfriend to not only adopt two bunnies, but build them hutches.

Despite my achy knee, it was a good day.

Day Seven: OhFuckOhFuckOhFuckOhFuckOhFuck

Today was one of those endeavors in which I definitely bit off more than I could chew. I think there were three distinct times I considered pulling to the shoulder and quitting/crying.
Southern weather does not fuck around. Compared to California weather, which calls ahead and knocks politely, Southern weather just running-kicks the door down and pulls a B and E on their residents. I seriously thought that movies were exaggerating when they would have a clap of thunder/lightning and suddenly torrents of rain.
They are not exaggerating.

I wanted a cat in the rain, but they kept making me cry.

My journey started off easy enough, working my way up through South Carolina.
Once I got on the 95 though, shit got real.
My brother wasn't joking when he said the interstate's name is the assumed speed limit. I had people zipping past me at easily 100. And then, and then... water everywhere. Like blinding, rage-quit levels of rain. Everyone was putting on their hazards, which admittedly is a cool move as it helps visibility without glare, but nobody was slowing down! Bro, have you heard of hydroplaning??

I experienced this horror three different times today, each lasting just long enough to start dry sobbing, but always clearing up right when I started to make decisions. Probably one of the first times in my life I was really, really scared, took a deep breath, collected myself, and pushed through instead of crying and quitting. I felt a little bit like a bad-ass when I started noticing residential-plated cars stopped under overpasses waiting for the storm to pass as I kept chugging along.

Eventually I made it to my checkpoint outside of Richmond, and in my groggy, yet newly grateful to be alive haze, I made myself a night shift story at two different drive thrus. I was burnt out on McDoubles, so I scooted over to Wendy's to get a burger and potato, where I met two very sweet women who were taken aback by my "unexpectedly sweet manners, darlin." I was just smiley and did my please and thank yous, which makes me wonder, how are you Virginia people treating your services workers?!

My sister-in-law had got me hooked on the Peanut Butter Blizzard at DQ, but none were forthcoming, so I opted to petition McDonald's for something close. I get to the speaker, and half-awake blurt, "I need a McFlurry, and please tell me you have something peanut butter." The voice on the other end politely quips back that they have Reese's. I half shout, "That's perfect," and drive off to the next window.
As I'm waiting behind the only other car getting McD's at 9pm, I overhear the driver making a fuss over nothing. They hassle back and forth and eventually reach some conclusion, as the driver takes a bag and drives off. I get to the window, and all two of the night crew are at the window with my Flurry, with shaky grins.
"So, you, uh, got a thing for peanut butter tonight huh?" the cashier asks, sort of bemused. And me being me, had to go full tilt at this point, "OH MY GAD YAAAAAASSSS!"
Both ladies double over, literally slapping at their knees in laughter. It was a satisfying moment.

My Travel Crew

Outside of the obvious toiletries, there are some things that people just can't travel without. Since I'm actively on the road, it should be pretty easy to share with you nice people the handful of personal choice items I must have with me when out in the wild.

For starters, I always bring a pair of flip flops. They are incredibly versatile as slippers, shower shoes, and applicable to most of my wardrobe. As you can see, these ones have had a lot of mileage.

With all the road trips instead of flights this year, my mobile charger is a must have. Husband and I actually got these as Christmas gifts from his observant Aunt, who had noticed us plugging in almost anytime we sat down. They have a ton of attachments to be compatible with dam near anything, as well as a little LED flashlight on the top, which has been invaluable when getting into these hotels late at night.

These next items are always in my purse, but are especially vital when I'm out and about. I have an inconvenient amount of allergies, and asthma to boot, so when I'm going into uncharted territories, I always make sure I have plenty of antihistamine and rescue puffs on my inhaler.

In that same vein are my hand sanitizer and lotion. Whether taking mass transit or driving for hours, things are going to get sticky and stinky. You can imagine the myriad applications of these two purse pieces.

Something very important to me that I have yet to have an opportunity to use is a good old fashioned book. I always like to have one in case I get stuck somewhere and want to make use of dead time. I'm always happy if I don't need it, because then it means my meals were timely and I'm not having car trouble. (Knock on wood.)

And of course, I always pack plenty of extra underwear in case of "accidents."