It's A Zooey Deschanel Kind of Day

I'm turning 25 tomorrow, which on one hand feels like,

"Yaaaay I managed not to die for 25 years now!"

On the other hand, I kind of want to throw myself a pity party. I am nowhere close to being where I wanted to be at this age.

I don't have a college degree, I personally don't own anything, and I don't even have a semblance of a career going. I live in a remote area with little access to any real opportunities or safety.

A lot of this I can blame on bad circumstances and the turn of events, but some of my situation was in my control, and I made choices that put me here today.

I guess that's why I'm mad at myself for being stuck. I like to think my life is in my control, and that everything is a choice. I'm willing to accept that choices come with consequences, meaning there will be sacrifices and rewards.

On the sacrifice side, I'm not in the military, traveling the world on a whim. I'm not spending my time in a career I love and obsess over. I'm not raising a family, or bringing in any income. I still live in a small, undesirable town that I've been trying to escape for 7 years now.

That sounds whiny and bleak, and it is, but with the power of Zoloft to aid me, I can look at all that bad news and smile.Sure, I'm not happy about a lot of sacrifices, but there are so many rewards that when I start to spiral, I just take a look around and feel better.

For starters, I'm not in the military!

Yay for personal freedom and non-conformity!

I have a loving, supportive Husband.

I don't have to worry about children we can't take care of.

Our home is paid off, which means even though we have little coming in, we don't have nearly as much going out as we could.

I am licensed as a dialysis technician, which means if my leg ever heals, there's a whole world of opportunity waiting for me.

Most of all, I believe more and more that there's a higher plan at work, and I'm supposed to be available in all aspects for something important.

We've certainly taken advantage of my free time, going out and seeing/experiencing things together at our disabled slow pace.

I may not have much to offer right now, but I'm working the hell out of the little that I do!