I absolutely cannot stand it when I am unable to follow through on a promise. It is incredibly guilt-inducing, even if it's something small like washing the dishes. It's not just that I'm angry at failing, but now someone else is suffering for my shortcoming too.
The most guilty I've ever felt was after my neighbor passed. He had been suffering a long time with many health issues, and when he was still somewhat mobile I would help him with his mini farm. Once things got more serious though, he stopped coming outside with me, and eventually downsized to where he didn't need my help.
I kept promising myself and his wife that I would come over, just to visit with him and possibly make him feel better in his decline.
I never did, and to this day I kick myself in the ass anytime it comes up.
Admittedly, I was scared. I didn't want to see my gruff, hearty, stiff-upper-lip friend in such a fragile state. I had seen the changes in him during the weeks before he became bedridden, and he wasn't the same man anymore. As a teenager, I didn't want to face that.
I obviously can never get that back, but I carry it with me anytime I consider whether or not to see family. I have two relatives now on the more frustrating, sad end of Alzheimer's dementia. Every time I'm offered a chance to visit, it's a struggle to follow through until I remind myself what has happened before.
Appreciate your friends and family, and don't put off memory-making opportunities; they won't always be there.
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