Whatcha Thinkin' 'Bout? Oh Just Pajama Stuff

Last week, my newest, most interesting blogger-in-arms, The Paranormalist,

known to "normal" people as Renae, inspired this weeks post with her question -

"Do you wear a bra of any kind to bed? 

One of my nieces is on the big side, and she says she can't sleep without a bra. 
I can't sleep with one on."

Ah, the never-ending quest for not only bedtime comfort,

but booby bedtime comfort. Which for women is pretty much the core of the problem.

To bra, or not to bra? That is the question, brah.

If you just popped in to get my short answer, then it's an ambivalent "No."

I am a bed-traveler, so I definitely can't wear a bra to bed.

If you're here for the long, blah-blah answer, then I like you already!

As you know, I currently employ a body pillow as part of my sleepy snuggle team,

and it provides a nice bit of lift as far as the Grand Tetons are concerned.

Sometimes it's not good enough for my sensitive fun-bags, 

which means other, less perfect measures become necessary.

I don't think you quite understand. This Fuckin' House is a nude sleeping establishment, 

in which pajamas are not just optional, but discouraged with fervor.

Yes, gentlemen readers, I said I sleep in nakedness.

Just breathe, that feeling will pass, it's not as awesome as it sounds.

 I flip around a lot in my sleep, as well as sleep walk,

which means I get tangled in everything!

There's quite a few caveats that can ruin bare naked nap time.

Things like burglaries, doggy potty emergencies, and unexpected stomach flu

are all good reasons being all exposed is not a perfect idea.

Some nights, my armpits sometimes get the munchies,

and decide my boob meat is the ideal midnight snack - Can you say pinch city?!

If I can't snake my pillows around just so, and keep things where they belong,

then it's time to resign myself to putting on one of Husband's cotton shirts.

*melodramatic sigh that registers on the Richter Scale*

I hate, hate, hate wearing clothes to bed!!

For one, unless it's a crew-neck standard t-shirt, like Husband's undershirts,

my boobs go all gelatinous on me and try to slip out everywhere,

not to mention the shirt ends up hiking up whenever I roll over.

Similar problems with pajama bottoms, in either hiking or wedgie form.

"But Anna," you ask, as you always do, "Por que no nightgowns!?"

To that I say, "Because people die in nightgowns. Fuck all of that!!"

Seriously think about that. Old-timey ghost in your house? What is she wearing?

Is it a button down set of silk pajamas? NOPE!

Poltergeist is rocking a nightgown, circa whenevershedied.

What do people wear in hospices and other dying places?

YUP. That's right, a gown.

How about sleepy lady in the horror movie who just can't seem to run away?

Okay admittedly that's a grab bag, that strongly leans on hair color, virginity,

and whether she's accepted as a main character or not yet.

But still.

It's not like I can run well to begin with, a nightgown would just add to that.

I would die. I would be the new cliche death - Nightgown Girl.

Congratulations blogosphere, we've made B-movie history here by jinxing me.

Anyway, back on track here,

boobs, bedtime, nakedness, bra-ness, and pajama embargoes.

I definitely do not wear a bra to bed, especially not my day to day bras! 

They have underwires, and trusses, and Mary Poppin's bag cups, and scaffolding

to hold up my boulders, and nothing about that is conducive to laying down to sleep.

Please note, ladies, wearing underwired bras to bed is a big no-no!

It's bad for your skin, and is especially bad for breast tissue.

You're basically stabbing your breasts all night, bruising the tissues in there, ouch.

I'm sure at some point if they come up with a "sleeping bra" in realistic sizing,

I might grab one or two, especially for when we're not home.

Travel is my only exception to the pajama ban, since nip-slips are not okay by me,

and the idea of my in-laws getting an accidental boudoir showcase is not ideal.

So, I hope that answered your question,

I had a good time blabbing on about it, so maybe you enjoyed it too!

Got a burning question?
(Put some ice on it!)
Leave an anonymous comment below,
or declare your curiosity proudly!