C is For Cookie, Motha Fuckin Cookies

 I thought I had mentioned it before, but after scouring my past posts,

and laughing at myself repeatedly,

it seems I have never brought up how very often I proverbially

kiss Husband's ass with cookies.

Anna's Chocolate Chip Guilt Trips

(an adaptation of Nestle's recipe)

The Shit List

• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs
• 1 cup (half of a 12-oz bag) Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
• 1 cup chopped nuts (for the love of God don't do this to your loved ones)
  

How to Handle That Shit

1. Preheat oven to 350° F, this is really fucking important if you want Anna-quality cookies.
2. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. 
3. Add eggs, beating those bitches into conformity. 
4. Dump flour, baking soda, and salt on top, then fold in gently so that shit doesn't fly everywhere. 
5. Stir in morsels and any other shit you want to ruin my cookies with. 
6. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto baking sheets, using either of the methods in This Video..
7. Bake for 10 minutes or until golden brown on the bottom edges (how the gooeyness is attained)
8. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely. 

Using the "two-spoon" method, you'll yield a little more than 3 dozen cookies.

If you decide to go bigger, obviously there will be less total.

 Just the Tips, Just to See How They Feel

•  To make these into Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies that light a fire in Husband's heart, simply add 2/3 cup of your choice of peanut butter before Step 5 when you add the chips. You'll want to stir/fold the batter for a good two minutes, and just before the carpal tunnel sets in, the peanut butter should be one with the dough.
• Using margarine instead of butter is totally acceptable for heathens who choose that route, this is 'Murica after all. Keep in mind that the cookies will spread out quite a bit, and will not have the same fluffy texture as my infamous delights. It takes some experimenting with your own oven, but with margarine based cookies you'll want to turn down to 325 or cut your baking time to 8 minutes to prevent over-crisping.
• If you do that rural farming shindig, and have duck or goose eggs, you're going to have an incredibly fluffy product. You only need one duck egg instead of two, and if you get too excited about beating it into your creamed sugar, your cookies are going to stand up tall and proud. 
• A goose egg is best reserved for cookie bars, as they thicken the texture and creates more of a brownie result - in which case you'll want to take the whole recipe and dump it into a greased 9x13 and bake it for about 22 minutes until the edges get a nice golden brown.

I hope you lucky people get to enjoy this wonderful recipe as much as we do.

I know I'm grateful for such a simple, satisfying gift from the bakery gods.

Mother fucking YUM.

I hate bogging down my recipes with too much blah blah.

So, for a heavier exploration of the tale of these sugary bargaining chips,

and a personal confession, take a look at Tales of a Cookie Crumbled.